Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
