I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
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