i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
