i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
