I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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