He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
