how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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