We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
