just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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