i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
