put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
