So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
