I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
