When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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