I wannas sexs uuuuu
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
