so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
