Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
