After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
