Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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