Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
