i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
