i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
