i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
