You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
