am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
