I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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