this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
