all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
