I wish you could order shots online.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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