We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
