I haven't been this sober since birth.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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