Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
