How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
