I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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