mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
