So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
