just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
