We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
