What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She bit a glass in half.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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