if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
