Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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