He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
