he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
