yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
