So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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