"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
