Are we in a gay sports bar?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
