I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Randomize
