Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
