Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
