i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
